It was revealed that following an advanced screening of the hit TV Series “24”, the Labour Government attempted to hide the source material, and evidence that they lied when compiling their dossier on memory chips, which they then had surgically implanted in one of their ministers for extra security.

Unfortunately, even with the most advanced forms of data compression, the evidence still filled up hundreds of memory cards – meaning the only cabinet minister able to cater with such a large number of chips was deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott.

Mr Prescott had many, many memory cards surgically implanted beneath his skin.

The Government Mole, who revealed this story to us, explained that the most probable reason for Mr Prescott’s unique ability to deal with the task probably came down to his diet of donuts.

Implanting the chips was a delicate operation, involving a great deal of pain for Mr Prescott. Despite knowing all this, Mr Prescott was easily persuaded to volunteer when he heard the word “Chips.”

In 24, Agent Bauer has to track down the memory chips following an intensive and risky investigation involving torture, gun fights and the detonation of a nuclear bomb.

However, the memory chips were slightly easier to come by in real life. Following a trip to the beach, during which Mr Prescott is believed to have had one ice cream too many, the memory chips began to eject themselves from beneath Mr Prescott’s skin – ricocheting off of sand castles, dogs and small creatures.

Unfortunately, much to Mr Prescott’s disappointment, the paparazzi did not have their cameras trained on him like they would any other topless celebrity, so we are unable to provide you with a live action photograph.

A local child at the beach was unaware that the memory cards were considerably more valuable than milk bottle tops and glued them to a sheet of paper for an art project.