Following the release of the A Level results on Thursday, 2003 has proved to be a record year for the number of ungrateful pupils.

“For my Maths A Level I achieved 85.64 which my examination board incorrectly rounded to 85.6.” A Level student Keith Wilson complained to our interviewer, “They should have rounded it 85.7. I may have secured a comfortable A grade, but that slip up by the examination board makes me look like a complete retard. Any idiot can get 85.6.”

“I achieved ABB, only one grade short of my required grades for my conditional offer at Oxford University - and they still rejected me.” another pupil told us. “I think they rejected me because I attended a ‘state’ school and they do not trust my rough background. I’m sorry, I have to leave now as I’m keeping Jeeves waiting.”

“I completely screwed up my A Levels” one emotional teenage girl told us, “It’s not fair, I can spell ‘NUDE’ with my results and can’t get into any of the Universities I applied to. It’s appalling. It wouldn’t happen in America where you have to pay for your education – they’d get it right. Their system works.”

Unfortunately, before elaborating on her views the girl was called away to participate in an anti tuition fees march.

Despite the complaints, 2003 saw record results, with more pupils achieving top grade passes of As and Bs – particularly in English.

Sceptics accuse the government of dumbing down the courses so they only have to teach students fewer letters in the alphabet.