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>> News > United States
World Unimpressed with Bill Gates’ Puny $168m Donation - September 23rd 2003

Charities around the world were shocked today to learn that Bill Gates had pledged 168 million dollars in the fight against malaria.

“Quite frankly, I was disappointed.” Chuck Hankman, the manager of a local branch of Oxfam announced. “I mean, 168 million sounds like a lot, but to people like Bill Gates it’s next to nothing.

“I managed to secure a $46,000 a year wage for my job at Oxfam – but I give nearly $2,000 a year of that to charities. Mr Gates is worth 46 billion – to parallel what I donate he would have donate 2 billion. It just exposes what a cruel hearted bastard the billionaire is. He earns far too much for what he does, all that excess money should be going to charity.

“It should also be noted that charity shops are struggling to make money – my store draws in about $40,000 a year. That’s $6,000 less than my wage meaning we have to empty all of the charity boxes on the till just to pay my wage.”

President Bush was equally unimpressed with Mr Gates’ donation:

“I am absolutely in unagreement with Mr Gates donation. Some of these African countries with Malaria don’t even having running water… this means they must be going quite cheaply. If he had bought a couple he could have used the spare change to put on a conservatory and sell them at twice the price.

“Damn, I should have gone into this billionaire business – to think a top tycoon like him missed that.”

Mr Bush then went on to explain how Mr Gates donation was more than twice the 87 billion he had asked Congress for to continue funding the war on Iraq. At this point one of Mr Bush’s advisers called him away and explained to him for the 54th time that there was a difference between a million and a billion.

Mr Bush was later seen examining his economic plans and was heard muttering: “So that’s why the tax cut thing doesn’t work.”

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