In a reversal of the usual trends, the French President Jacque Chirac has referred to the British people as ‘friends’ of the French. Analysts have concluded the French leader has reached new levels of desperation in his attempts to bring Britain on board to the planned European Defence Force.

So far, Britain has held back any commitment, fearing that any such action could jeopardise the future of NATO and thus Britain’s strong ties with the USA.

In a desperate plea, Chirac stated: "The idea of European defence without the United Kingdom, it's important to recognise, is not very coherent.

"It does cause problems for our British friends for obvious reasons. Yesterday, we talked frankly about those problems with our counterparts and we are continuing our discussions."

The use of the phrase ‘British Friends’ caught widespread international attention as only a few months ago the typical French phrase for describing the British was “Warmongering Trigger-happy Dubya-Arse-Kissing Nazis”

The Germans were also eager to get the British on board in joining the European Defence Force:

“Without the British, the French Army will make up the majority of our European Defence Force. The French Defending Us? The last time we invaded them, they surrendered before our armies even crossed the border, to one of our Boy Scouts Camping Trips.”