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>> News > Entertainment
Captain Kirk’s Ancestor Not Born - March 3rd 2003

In a shock for Star Trek and Utopia fanatics alike it has transpired that birth of Captain Kirk’s Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather, Donald Kirk, has not occurred. Star Trek’s future history recorded that the ancestor of the future Star Fleet captain would be born on March 1st 2003 but records show that no male of the name Kirk was born anywhere in the world.

The effects of this have been deemed catastrophic by fans and Trek Experts alike.

“I can’t believe this hasn’t happened,” one emotional fan cried, “It must be the Romulans, they must have come back and stopped it from happening. I can’t think of any other explanation.”

Another fan told us: “People may think well this isn’t going to affect us at all as it’s only going to change what’s going to happen after we’re all dead... Does nobody remember Assignment Earth? In that Episode Captain Kirk helped stop World War 3 from breaking out 35 years ago. If we don’t do something about this soon we’re all going to be fighting a war that should never have happened.”

The only Kirk to be born on March 1st was a girl called Daisy Kirk. Some fans have seen this in itself to be a beacon of hope.

“Perhaps later in life Daisy Kirk realises that she was not meant to be a girl after all and gets a sex change. Daisy to Donald? Ok it wouldn’t be my first choice of a name change but they both have the same letter so it could happen. We don’t know much about Donald Kirk other than his Date of Birth, his favourite food, the fact he was scared of heights and was the first person that was known to be immune to the Klingon Death Virus 3000.”

Knowledgeable Trekkies, Please Note: I am aware that Donald Kirk is not a part of the Star Trek universe, canon or not, and was invented purely for the purposes of this article.

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The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

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