America and Britain have been using the past few weeks to increase their military presence in the Gulf resulting in their combined forces completely surrounding Iraq. The upkeep of this operation costs billions of dollars but has effectively succeeded in surrounding – and containing – 437,000 square kilometres of enemy terrority.

Iraq is completely surrounded by the Armies of the USA and UK

This seems like a very good arrangement and would be commended however Iraq, on a much smaller budget has succeeded in surrounding 510 million square kilometres of territory – ie the Rest of the World.

Iraq has completely surrounded the rest of the world.

“We’re flabbergasted.” Tony Blair revealed in an impromptu press conference. “Given our other priorities we have been ensuring that this military build up has been as efficient as possible but to find out that our best efforts in efficiency are simply blown away by those being employed by Saddam are simply incredible.

“We’re considering allowing Saddam to increase his territory size just to try and bring some kind of balance to the situation – to make our efficiency somewhat similar to his - but in order to make our efforts comparible we’d have to give him Russia and Vladimir Putin isn’t too keen on that idea.”