It was revealed today that the reason that neither Saddam Hussein nor the Weapons of Mass Destruction have been found in Iraq is because Saddam Hussein was travelling to the United Kingdom, with his arsenal, to hand them in at the UK’s latest Gun Amnesty which expires today.

Unfortunately the former dictator was unable to make it to the UK in time for the amnesty following a string of unlikely circumstances.

Firstly, he intended to take them to the United Kingdom by plane, but following the heightened Airport security since September 11th the airport officials refused to let him board without a permit.

When Saddam Hussein finally obtained a permit he discovered that the International Airport had been captured by US forces.

With only a couple of weeks left of the amnesty Saddam Hussein decided to try a mammoth Road trip, through the Middle East and Europe to get to the UK before the amnesty expired.

However, when he arrived at the first petrol station he discovered he had left his wallet at his hometown of Tikrit. A phone call home revealed that this too had been taken by US forces.

Finally, he attempted to post the weapons – but Royal Mail would only offer him next day delivery with an insurance policy covering £250 – far below the value of the weapons.

Overall, the Gun Amnesty has been a moderate success however authorities have been disappointed that those most likely to use their weapons have not been as forthcoming in handing them in.

“Obviously it’s nice for the collectors to hand in their rusty World War 2 relics but we were hoping that the gangsters might hand in their machine guns or for the car-jackers to give up their hand guns. That would have helped dealt with the crime. All these antiques and unreliable weaponry didn’t really help contribute to the crime level.”

When asked if Saddam Hussein’s failure to get his weapons in on time troubled him in anyway the spokesperson burst out laughing before explaining:

“What did I just say about antiques and unreliable weaponary?”