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>> News > United Kingdom
Labour Considers Axing The Conservative Party - May 6th 2003

Following a week of harsh criticism and controversy the Labour Party is considering ditching one of its fundamental departments known to most as “The Conservative Party.”

Originally established as one of the three main political parties over a century ago, the Conservative Party ceased to be a political group in 1997, when William Hague was appointed Labour’s “Minister for Comical Diversion.” Mr Hague excelled in his position with memorable escapades such as insisting that Jeffery Archer was a serious contender for London Mayor and mistaking the 2001 General Election as a referendum on the Euro.

However, in Tony Blair’s cabinet reshuffle following the General Election William Hague was reassigned to obscurity and a new leader was chosen.

Of course, being the “Department of Comical Diversion” this was not done using the traditional mean of a simple ballot or assignment by the PM but by mimicking the then cult quiz show ‘The Weakest Link.”

The Five Candidates went through 4 rounds of voting, voting one off at a time, until one survivor remained. Of course, in true Weakest Link style, the Strongest Link went head to head against the Weakest Link in the final round - and lost.

Hague Mark II (codenamed Iain Duncan Smith) was voted in and is still Minister for Comical Diversion to this day.

Having such a comfortable majority, the purpose of the department is to always oppose the actual view of the Labour party no matter how much sense it may or may not make. The department’s only political view is the exact opposite of whatever the rest of the party is thinking at the time.

Unfortunately for the Labour Party, whilst Hague Mark II shares the same lack of any leadership qualities of the Mark I incarnation he does not have any charisma either, meaning that some voters don’t actually realise he’s a pretend political figure and voted for him in last week’s local elections. This completely shocked the top brass at the Labour HQ who are now calling for the abolition for what they view as an unnecessary department.

After much careful deliberation it was soon determined that this was unfeasible. Because the Labour Party has been revelling in antics of the Department of Comical Diversion it has meant that they haven’t actually had to come up with any serious policies. It was the conclusion of the inquiry that if the Department were to be closed down the complete lack of any serious Labour policy would be exposed.

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