The Conservative Party has once again restructured its policies telling us to ignore the last lot as they were rubbish, and that these ones are definitely better than Labour’s.

The plans were presented to the public with the words “Tuition Fees Abolished!!” in bold letters at the top of every page/leaflet/billboard and the rest of the policies written underneath in a very small typeface.

The Tories also plan to introduce “Hospital Passports.” Like the Pet Passports introduced by the Labour Government, Hospital Passports would allow Hospitals to go abroad, to places like France and Germany. This would hopefully allow them to thrive in the superior environments of better funding, structuring and organisation – all in all a rather radical plan for the ‘Conservative’ Party.

In order to abolish Tuition Fees, the Conservative Party plans to cut back on the number students attending University. Along with promising to bring the number of Police Officers to a total of 40,000 this is expected to severely reduce the amount of crime – particularly in the area of traffic sign theft.