|Random Perspective listed 3rd on Al-Qaeda's Priorities List - September 16th 2006|
Destroying Random Perspective, the world's leading satire website, has been listed as the number 3 priority by the terrorist organisation Al-Qaeda. The list, featured on their recently update FAQ section under 'What are you key objectives' was revealed two days ago when Bin Laden finally got around to updating their RSS feed.
The exact nature of the threat, whether the destruction should be virtual (ie a denial of service attack on the website's servers), deconstructive (a virus) or idle-but-we'll-say-it's-us-if-it-happens (like 99% of their other activities) - has not been revealed, however UK-based webmaster Ben Dickson has pleaded that websites not reveal his identity in case the terrorists try to assassinate him.
Predictably "Destroying America" was at the top of the list, underlined and in bold (two font characteristics repeated associated with terrorism) however "Remember to Defrag Hard Drive on Friday" at number 2 surprised most pundits who had tried to guess what goals Al-Qaeda would outline this month. Consequently, the White House has advised people not to defrag their hard drives on a Friday as anyone caught doing so will have to 'answer a few questions' from the CIA.
The reason for Random Perspective's inclusion on the list however was more easily explained. It transpires that Osama Bin Laden decided to Google himself in Googe Image Search and was shocked to find the website had posted a picture of him naked, running outside the White House - and that it appeared on the first page of results:
George W. Bush took no notice of Bin Laden's terrorist antics until they began to annoy him.
It is reported that the terrorist leader was so angry he shot his laptop up with an AK-47 and declared a jihad on Photoshop. This was outlined in a statement released with the new FAQ.
"Mr Bin Laden is deeply distressed that such a picture of him be made available online. He would like to make clear that this picture has clearly been fabricated, most likely with image manipulation software Adobe Photoshop - or similar products such as Paintshop Pro. The evidence for this is quite clear - Mr Bin Laden has never visited the White House whilst being naked."
23-year old webmaster, Ben Dickson, whilst at home at his house in Cambridgeshire, was quick to defend his website: "I feel that Al-Qaeda is being grossly unfair, I have made no effort to disguise the fact the picture is a fabrication. Everything on this website is made up - including this interview. I'm making up this article - how can I interview myself? The picture was never meant to be a criticism of Mr Bin Laden, it was meant to be a criticism of George Bush's handling of Bin Laden. It wasn't like I was trying to generate loads of traffic by posting a picture of Bin Laden naked that would get circulated around the Internet.
"Although, I will admit I'm not going to complain about the traffic I've got from that."
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