|Microsoft Claims To Have Thwarted Internet Worm - August 16th 2003|
Microsoft have revealed in a press statement that they have thwarted the Internet Worm has caused havoc amongst Windows users over the past few days.
Coming shortly after experts predicted a second attack could be imminent, Microsoft released the following statement on their Website:
Microsoft Press Release #1
We, the evil bastards who rip you gullible idiots right off have definitely defeated that worm that caused your computer to crash and burn and whatever the hell it did to your computer.
We are now confident that any further freezes, glitches, or crashes will not be the result of Internet worms, Trojan horses or hackers but just the general crappiness of Microsoft Windows caused by our sloppy programming and over paid, over weight company directors.
Bill Gates did not write this personally but told us to inform you he smells of poo.
Experts are unsure what to make of Microsoft’s new found honesty, coming after years of misleading press statements, particularly after the security problems with its so called bullet proof Passport technology.
When asked what countermeasures Microsoft had taken to secure Windows users against further attacks a second statement was quickly posted:
Microsoft Press Release #2
We chopped the worms in half with spades. Some people say this makes two worms but their wrong. If it does then their two dead worms. Yes we are retards.
After reading the second press release experts were quick to point out the double occurrence of the misspelling of “they’re
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