Entire Budget for Final “Lord of the Rings” Film Blown on Sam/Frodo Kiss

2nd November 2003

It was revealed today by New Line Cinema that following a last minute decision to alter the end of the final “Lord of the Rings” film this January they had no money left to spend on the high quality production seen in the last two films.

Following a build up of Internet slash featuring the story’s two lead characters Sam and Frodo, New Line Cinema realised that the vast majority of the film’s audience would feel let down if the two characters did not get together. As a result the decision was made to complete the climax of the relationship with a prolonged kiss between actors Elijah Wood and Sean Astin – unfortunately this decision cost the film company most of the multi-million dollar budget it had allocated:

“The trouble was, as soon as Elijah and Sean heard about the kiss they got their managers who immediately renegotiated their contracts. The result is that we virtually ended up paying them the film’s entire budget.”

The decision has not proved to be as popular as the studio had hoped. Being the first news source to report on this development back in January, Random Perspective has received a vast array of complaints and comments regarding the film company’s decision, mostly from loyal Lord of the Rings fans determined not to see Tolkien’s vision damaged by Hollywood in any way whatsoever.

“We feared this would happen,” a spokesperson explained to us, “Hollywood cannot produce a film without inciting a romance between the two leading characters. They’ve ruined the perfect friendship Tolkien had created between two of his most realised characters.”

The decision has had a significant impact on the rest of the film; instead of the high budget special effects that followers of the films have got used to experiencing New Line Cinema was forced to return to some of the more primitive special effects seen during films from the 1930s and in the Animated Lord of the Rings.

“Unfortunately Golem has transformed from the revolutionary CGI character seen in the Two Towers to a rather basic papier-mâché hand puppet,” the spokesperson from New Line explained, “Whilst it does not allow us the freedom we experienced with CGI it does allow us the chance to win the Oscar for ‘Best Glove Puppet’ although that’s probably unlikely as the puppet is really quite rubbish.

“Also, the large battles that people have anticipated for the final film have had to be cut. Instead, the fate of middle earth is decided by the toss of a coin in an old abandoned dungeon that looks suspiciously like an unmade film set.

“People will complain that the film is a bit of an anticlimax, but no amount of special effects can make up for good, realistic character development.”