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>> News > United States
Arnold Schwarzenegger To Blast Deadly Gay Unions With Rail Gun - February 21st 2004

Arnold Schwarzenegger has announced today that he intends to fight San Francisco’s decision to allow Gay Marriages with his top legal officials, and if they are unsuccessful he will take them on singled handed with a rail gun and a catchy one liner.

“Gay’s are an imminent risk to civil order,” Mr Schwarzenegger announced, brandishing his shiny new rail gun, “I have taken on such risks before, in films like Terminator 2, True Lies and Eraser. The only way to deal with them is to shoot them all dead.”

At this point Mr Schwarzenegger walked over to a motorist stopped at a red light, dragged him out of his car and sped off in the direction of San Francisco.

San Francisco’s Mayor, Gavin Newsom, believes the state law discriminates against gay and lesbian lovers, as it currently does not allow same sex couples to marry. Since allowing gay and lesbian marriages to take place, San Francisco has joined over 3,000 couples. Mr Newsom believes it would be extremely difficult for Mr Schwarzenegger to have them all overturned.

Mr Schwarzenegger disputes this claim:

“Only 3,000! I have taken on far more foes than that before and emerged without a scar. My rail gun can kill up to 20 people at once. I shall wipe them out in seconds and then dispose of Mr Newsom in a particularly painful, but amusing manner. Perhaps I shall drop him on a pointy skyscraper, I think that would be appropriate.”

Critics have already spoken out against the way Mr Schwarzenegger is dealing with the situation, and claim it is proof of his inexperience in politics.

“As a Republican State Governor you just can’t go around shooting people to solve your problems,” One the Republican’s retired chief advisers explained to the press, “You have to get someone else to do it for you.”

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