Alien Scientists Declare: “Anglers Can’t Feel Pain”

10th June 2003

A report by Alien Scientists published today revealed that to the best of their knowledge Anglers cannot feel pain. When researching which types of human it was most humane to abduct in their flying saucers research indicated that Anglers were least susceptible to feeling pain.

The announcement comes just as anti-human-abductionists have condemned the new Mk VII rectal probe which shoots out of the flying saucer and plucks the human from whatever he is doing at the time.

The anti abductionists claim that a human would feel an immeasurable amount of pain from having a 6-inch diameter aluminium rod penetrating their rear orifice however the scientists dispute this by claiming that whilst this is the case for most humans it is different for anglers.

“Whatever the reason, and we are unsure as to what these are, anglers have absolutely no concept of pain. It may be due to the fact they spend hours in icy cold water thus taking them to a permanent state of numbness or it could just be that the excessive nagging from the wife they are obviously hiding from has caused their pain receptors to fail – we don’t know. All we know is that they seem adamant that whenever they hook a fish it couldn’t care less – this proves they do not comprehend pain because anyone who did would tell you without doubt that being pulled out of water by a metal hook in your mouth would hurt like hell.