Custom Search
News
International
United Kingdom
United States
Sport
Entertainment
Internet
Science / Tech

Features
Articles
Notices
Editorial
Submissions

2010
January

The Dark Age
Nov 06 - Dec 09

2006
October
September
April
March
February
January

2005
December
October
September
May
April
February
January

2004
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2003
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2002
December
November




Hosted by
2f3 Internet

More Humour
BBspot
The Bentinel
Big Fib
Broken Newz
The Daily Bull
Deadbrain UK
Deadbrain US
Faux Newz
The Fake News
Glossy News
The Hammer
I-Mockery
KTAB News
Muskrat News
News Hax
No Apologies Press
On The John
Perplexing Times
Rant Morgan
Satirium
Social Scrutiny
The Specious Report
Studio 8
The Toque
Trepanning
US Press
The Voice of Reason UK
The Voice of Reason US
Watley Review
Weekly Canard

Music Sites
Sonar Radar
BeatEd.com
Green Plastic
No Through Road
>> News > United Kingdom
Replacement Entrance Exam for Cambridge University - February 7th 2003

After centuries of admitting students based on academic success and written exam results Cambridge University has decided to replace the way it awards places to students on a new revolutionary system:

"I feel that this new system of testing will ensure the students we admit fit in much better with the ethos of our establishment" a spokesperson informed us.

The new test is a 7 step physical test which determines whether the applicant is rejected, or offered a conditional/unconditional offer. The steps are as follows:

New Cambridge Entrance Examination
Step 1: Start in an Upright Position

New Cambridge Entrance Examination
Step 2: Relax hips and lean slightly forwards.

New Cambridge Entrance Examination
Step 3: Allowing your arms to drop, begin bending the body around the hips.

New Cambridge Entrance Examination
Step 4: As your torso lowers, reach inbetween your legs with both arms.

New Cambridge Entrance Examination
Step 5: Allow your head to follow the path that your arms are taking and push inbetween your legs.

New Cambridge Entrance Examination
Step 6: Once the upper half of your torso has emerged, tip your head forwards to rest on your buttocks.

New Cambridge Entrance Examination
Step 7: Continue the motion of the head as described in Step 6.

If a Student completes Step 7 they will receive an unconditional offer. If a Student completes Step 6, but fails to complete Step 7 they will be offered a conditional offer. If a student fails to complete Step 6 they will not be offered a place at Cambridge University.

Oxford University has responded by altering its entrance examination accordingly only claiming that their exam is superior to the one being used by Cambridge:

New Cambridge Entrance Examination
Oxford considers their examination to be of greater benefit in the workplace.

A spokesperson for Oxford University informed us:

"Cambridge will claim that their exam is more challenging and they are probably right. However we are certain that our examination will serve our students better when following their careers - particularly if they become politicians or journalists."

He finished by explaining:

“We also feel this test establishes the correct relationship between lecturer and student from the onset”

Click to share this page on:
Disclaimer: Random Perspective accepts no responsibility for your believing of anything on this website.

The content on this website is satirical and thus many reports are unsubstantiated and therefore should not be considered factual. The use of major brands and corporations is used in good humour in order to improve the impact of the writing. Under no circumstances should you believe anything that could be considered defamatory without first checking it against a major news source.

IMPORTANT: If you do not appreciate or understand this article please consult your doctor as your right ventromedial prefrontal cortex is impaired.
Latest News
Conservatives to increase Public Service praise by 200%

Shocking Image Confirms UKIP's Claims That Immigration Has Left Parts of Britain Unrecognisable

Santa Unveils Drone Fleet To Revolutionize Christmas Present Delivery in 2013

British and American Government Reach Consensus on Math vs Maths Debate

Yahoo Staff Hope Marissa Mayer's Love For Baking Ends Soon



Related Articles
The Most Important Piece of News Ever

Major University concludes that Junk E-Mail Annoys the Hell out of People

Sun reader learns how to use Internet. Sun website gains purpose.

Scientists Ponder Monkey Test









Do you like this website?
Please let me know your opinions by emailing me or contacting me via MSN on BenDickson@Hotmail.com

Random Perspective: News, Satire and Humour.
Random Stuff for those who read this far: Oak Worktops and Walnut Worktops, Bespoke Designer Kitchens, Fruit Videos, FruitVideos Blog, Norfolk Wedding Photography, and Lowestoft Estate Agent